Business School Can't Teach you Everything

So I'm driving down Moreland Avenue in Atlanta at 2pm on a Friday. It's 91 degrees with 40% humidity. There's a good amount of traffic headed to I-20, and I'm in a long line of cars waiting at the light. I notice this scraggly-lookin' dude walking inbetween cars with a plastic bag full of bottled water. He's selling them to drivers-by for $1.00 apiece. I know this because not only was I offered one (I didn't bite), but he's screaming his product and price at us SO LOUDLY that no one could help but hear him.

For the amount of time he's spending in the hot sun, on asphault, carrying a heavy bag, yelling, surrounded by exhaust from running vehicles, sweating his tuckus off ... seriously, is this a good business plan?? I mean, even if he's selling drugs that I can't see because I'm not a savvy drive-by drug buyer (though he's causing such a ruckus it's doubtful...he's drawing way too much attention), that STILL doesn't seem like a great way to spend one's summer afernoon.

False Comparison

I received an e-mail from a friend. I responded, and need to share:

From: Pedestrian in Motion
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 9:34 AM
Subject: It's about time

Friends: Remember how many people didn’t truly begin to pay attention to AIDS until Rock Hudson – someone famous – died of it. Sadly I believe the same is true for cellphone use while driving. Until someone famous is tragically hurt or killed by a driver paying more attention to his toys than the road, it will receive limited attention. And now with the advent of texting, even less attention is being paid to the road. Here’s the latest on the damage that can be done. I’ve told y’all before and I’ll say it again—please do not call me while on the road. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/23/opinion/23thu3.html?ref=opinion&pagewanted=print

From: AntiBlogger
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 11:43 AM
Subject: RE: It's about time

Hey, I’ve thought about this a full day before responding to make sure that I wasn’t having a knee-jerk reaction. Turns out, I wasn’t, so here goes:
I fully agree with you that cell phones in general (talking or texting) are distractions and I look forward to the day when their use is abolished in all 50 states and not just a handful of them.
Famous people, though apparently not famous enough, have suffered serious injury and death thanks to cell phone use. Most notably: supermodel Niki Taylor (serious injury) and most recently Josh Hancock of the St. Louis Cardinals (death). How many stories have we heard lately about bus and train conductors texting? Idiots, all.
That said, what really struck a nerve with me was your opening salvo.
The AIDS epidemic cannot and must not be minimized and compared to driving while distracted. There is no apples-to-apples comparison about it, whatsoever. Yes, Rock Hudson and others (Ryan White, Arthur Ashe, Anthony Perkins, Magic Johnson to name a few) bring a ton of attention, and that’s a good thing. It is not the same thing, I don’t care how you package and present it.
I am certain you meant absolutely no ill by your comparison, but I rabidly disagree with the comparison. You are my friend and I value your opinions and I enjoy our heart-to-hearts and get-togethers and hope to for many years to come. I simply couldn’t let this pass and needed to tell you how I feel. You know I’m not a boat-rocker, but I had to speak up.

Amusement

There's an amusement that a co-worker and I have shared for literally years now. I'm certain this game, or something like it, is played globally in one form or another by those of us who have an inner 7th-grade boy. We call it simply, "Fake Titles," and it involves taking a real movie title and altering it to invent a potential porn or fetish movie title. I certainly won't share the good 'n juicy ones here...that's just not cool...but trust me, we've got an excellent list going.

Some write themselves, of course, as legit flicks:

Above the Rim
Big
Die Hard
Easy Rider
Failure to Launch
Fire Down Below
Shooter
Snake Island
...etc.

A small sample of my not-too-graphic favorites we've managed to muster:

An Inconvenient Itch
Bend Over Like Beckham
Crotchless Panties Hidden Dragon
Cuckold School
Engorge of the Jungle
Lake Flaccid
Little Shop of Whores
My Big Fat Greek Wetting
Remember the Trojans

Funny thing is, I'm pretty sure some of these altered titles are actual movie titles somewhere in the world and I just don't care to subscribe to the right web sites to find out.

Please, please, begin your own list, you fellow filthy-minded fools. Trust me, it can be a daily giggle fest.

Share the Road??

I used to work for a cycling enthusiast. For six years I felt compelled to quench my absolute loathe and disgust for cyclists. That particular enthusiast hasn’t been my boss now for over a year, so I think it’s safe to let the bile seep out.

Who. The hell. Do you think you are, cyclists?? I see you on your sweet bike, in your sweet outfit that cost umpteen hundreds of dollars. I see you ahead of me, very much in my lane, in fact, you’re in the middle of it. Awesome. This is me, passing you, in my car. The car licensed to drive on the road, in an appropriate lane, in a safe manner. I obey the rules of the road, albeit on occasion I fail to follow the speed limit. Trust me, I’m a careful driver, and I see you. I’ve passed you now, and you’re in my rear-view mirror. Stay back there.

Wait. Don’t stay back there. Go to a park. Go to a cycling trail. You know, the kinds of trails crafted especially for you. There’s Stone Mountain Park. There’s the Silver Comet. That’s just two. There are many more, and I can even tell you how to get there. Why in god’s name must you ride on the same road as cars? There’s exhaust, there’s traffic lights, there’s all sorts of hazards, let alone…you. What’s fun in any way about behaving like a car when you can’t go anywhere near as fast as a car, and every car on the road HATES you? Get out of my way. Thank you.

Where in the World is Carmen San Diego??

Yes, I know. Nearly a month and all three of you (or two) (or one) (is anybody out there?) are maybe wondering, why is this Blogger such a slacker??

Little did you know: I started this thing purposefully to "anti-blog," or in my lingo: not talk about myself, per se. Why? I have been and am going through a time in my life when the only thing I feel motivated to do IS to talk about myself.

So...this is a test. (A what? A test. A what? A test. Oh...a test!) I have typed full missives and deleted them entirely because, as a close friend put it, "who the hell cares what [bloggers] have to say?" EXACTLY. I didn't force you here at gunpoint, you came here of your own accord. The least I could do is write something mildly entertaining, and then you can move on about your day. Introspection is for me, not for you. Back soon, I kinda promise.